Monday, January 21, 2013

I Say Stuff...

I grew up in a household that was cautious around my maternal grandmother. She was a domineering force who poked and prodded and we had to be careful not to say certain things in front of her for fear of her going into a tirade and causing my mom even more grief than she already did.
When you are taught to omit details in order to keep peace, and I know that peace is truly what a being wants, you simply learn to omit details in order to keep peace. I wasn’t very good at this because… well… I say stuff.
As a child, I would emote and blurt out whenever the impetus to do so arose. When grandma was about and I opened my mouth, I remember watching my mother grit her teeth and hold her breath while my brother just frowned at me. This doesn’t mean that I would use curse words, or say something disrespectful, it was more like, “Hey mom, remember when I was trying on grandma’s glasses and you said it scared you? ” Or “We don’t like the television shows that you watch, grandma.” Sounds pretty harmless, and yet I remember the kind of wrath that followed these statements.
If the intent is honourable and not filled with malice, being open and saying what one wants to say, is healthy and makes for much richer relationships, and it was something I had to relearn after years of trying to stifle what I wasn’t supposed to say.
Now, I say stuff.
~ Ellyn

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