Friday, June 11, 2010

Out of Boredom Comes Creativity...

Out of boredom comes creativity.

Like many of my generation, I have experienced this first hand but also have observed it vicariously through children, as a teacher and as a parent and I feel fortunate to have discovered this years ago.  Not only did I not allow the words "I'm bored" uttered in my presence but when sensing the feelings from my children, sent them out to be physical. Sometimes I joined them but more often than not, I let them be...

As a parent I choose NOT to fill up my children's schedules so that they have little time at home creating their own schedule. Sure I have involved them in organized activities in order to introduce them to things that might strike a chord in them, help them to see that they have particular gifts and talents that can be offered for the greater good in their lives and to help teach them about how to be in community. But... not so much so that they are unable to make creative choices when they are all alone at home with oodles of time - like during the summer. Until this year, when at the request of my teens, the television did not come on for them during the school week and on weekends it was limited. Yes they have gaming devices but the hand held ones were restricted to vehicle use and the Wii is just a sometime thing that I have been fortunate not to have to regulate.

What I do have are four treehouses in the yard, three of them built by Max and Jillian, a trampoline, tire swing, trapeze, cement pad with basketball net, scrap lumber and metal heap, a shed with tools, a paintball course built by my 15 year old, bikes, hoses hooked up to a creek and a dugout for what would seem unlimited water, and this year we will add a slackline. We have had a zipline built by my son and his friend, a variety of BMX courses, again built by Max as well as a tightrope. And I am privileged to live in a community where this is a typical yard. By now you may have gathered that I live rurally.  However, I would hope that living in the city wouldn't change how I have parented but that I would look to different opportunities for them to envelop the gift of creativity as well as the gift of relying on oneself for motivation.

Two treehouses connected by rope swing...

How does a parent go about instilling this in children?
  • by resisting the desire to fill up a child's schedule.
  • by resisting the desire to offer suggestions when they seem bored - instead let them know that you have great faith in them that they will be able to fill their time with constructive activities and that you can hardly wait to hear all about their endeavors and adventures.
  • daydream with them. (I learned this from Max when he was in grade one and a wise health care professional expounded with, "He's got the gift of daydreaming!")
  • ask them for their game plan for the summer. It doesn't mean that they have to meet every goal but just to have some set out. (Once again, I learned this from my son who is a goal-setter and sets one surrounding his athletics, music and school.)
  • model the behaviour that you want to see - determine what your own summer goals are?
As a collective, we are raising children and doing so to the best of our abilities right here and now and we can all improve on the ways in which we parent. I am in no way suggesting that I am doing everything "right" because, of course, I am not. I too am just muddling along the path in this game that we call parenting.

Above all else, as Garvin states, "kids need to be kids while they're kids", summer is about being wild and free, creative and... mostly barefoot.


Thanks to my friend Linda Garvin for her continual teachings...

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


A book that seems to have caught my attention with utmost interest these days, is Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert. I find it fascinating when a book crosses my path and resonates alarmingly so. The research that Elizabeth has conducted surrounding the history of marriage is extensive and compelling. Not only does she include a secular look at marriage over time but also the path that various organized religious groups have followed and espoused...

While reading this I find it interesting to have been contacted by two friends evaluating their own relationship with their respective partners in a discerning manner and what has captivated me mostly is how deeply ingrained our values are from the people we grew up with.

From my parents, I gleaned that one should be everything to one's partner. Is this unrealistic? Of course. Did they teach this to me? No, but it is what I learned...

As Elizabeth states in this unfolding story of a woman coming to grips with the idea of marriage, she does "not need a man in almost many of the ways that women have needed men over the centuries." She does "not need him to protect [her] physically because [she lives] in one of the safest societies on earth." She does "not need him to provide for [her] financially, because [she has] always been the winner of [her] own bread." In general terms a woman does not need a man to extend her "circle of kinship" nor "father her children".

If this is so in 2010, what then do I need in a marriage?

And... as husband and wife, what role do we play in each others' lives?

Gilbert believes that it comes down to companionship and adoring each other in the commitment of marriage.

As for me, I know that I want to share my life experiences and passions with my husband in hopes that he too will find joy in sharing his life experiences and passions with me. And I feel gratification in knowing that we could do this for the rest of our lives. Growing old through experiences together...

I know some who married in order to escape a situation, have a child, fill a need... When that desire no longer needs to be filled, when the child has grown etc. then what?

How important is the reason why one marries? Why did you marry? Have you had to reassess your marriage?