Sunday, May 20, 2012

Working at Loving What Is...

I have spent a countless number of hours in our yard and it is not even near caught up. [Hmm… Caught up? Interesting choice of words.] Living rurally on a farmyard that I once was blindly devoted to, has its challenges and as I sit here at my desk with the timer on so that I only write for a wee bit, I am overwhelmed. May is an overwhelming month for me with our children’s spring and summer pursuits playing out, my desire to run and golf and this never ending yard work, not to mention the usual duties that subsist. There have been years where I have contemplated not putting a garden in and yet by July know that I would be sad not to have one. As I wonder why it is important to me to have everything looking perfect, I turn to the words of Byron Katie and am grateful for this distress. “When you realize that suffering and discomfort are the call to inquiry, you may actually begin to look forward to uncomfortable feelings.” Knowing that “happiness is a clear mind”, I am happy that I have taken time to just sit and write and with these musings, I have begun to smile warmly, breathe easier and will take my awaiting teens over to our neighbourhood greenhouse to pick out flowers for our yard, as well as book a tee time for all of us, later this afternoon. This is the perfection that I really desire.
~ Ellyn

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Zigging & Zagging...

It is said that “the shortest path between two points is a straight line but what happens if that path gets blocked? When sediment impedes the flow of a river, it redirects, zigging and zagging instead of following a straight course. But like to the crow, like meandering is to the water’s most efficient route, source to outlet, nature finds a detour.” Jake Bohm
Writer, Tim Kring’s new show, Touch, is having a resounding effect within me. For many years now, I have found it painfully dull to sit in front of the television, only watching a couple of shows with my children, but when my dad told me about this captivating programme, I decided to give it a go. The story is about a widower and single father trying to connect with his emotionally challenged son, blending math, science and spirituality. I have not seen the pilot or the first episode and am filling in a few gaps as I catch up with what it is all about. What is evident is that it is rich in its creation.
I love when I notice spirituality in science and remember the first time that I was aware of Creation’s touch in mathematics. I had been teaching for many years and was taking a levelled testing class. I was never a fan of the practise of formally testing children, and yet knew that if I was going to be required to do so, I wanted as much background and information as possible in order to perform it as honourably as possible. I was dreading the statistics course, when the professor opened the first class with the statement that the beat of a butterfly’s wings in Beijing, affect the weather in Shanghai. I knew immediately that this was going to be the best statistics class my nonmathematical mind would ever take.
It was around this time that I began to observe that people’s lives intersected at certain points for a reason. I could sense why someone was in my life and began to honour it, not seeing it as bad or good but that it just was… is.
When my first husband left me, I felt devastated, betrayed and broken. That was twenty-three years ago and through the supportive words of many, including recently, a twitter friend, @DrGarcia who convinced me that those situations are rarely devastating, and with a warm smile am happy to know that I really did not break and although I will always love him, believe that he and I were only supposed to be together for that time. I am grateful for this understanding and know that if someone steps off of a shared path with me, it is okay because “if two points are destined to Touch, the Universe will always make it happen.”
~ Ellyn

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Today is what matters...

Although I marvel at the sun that causes me to wake a little earlier each day, as it pours in over my warm bed covers, it is the moon that brings about a gentle softness to my face and presents me with utmost peace.
Sometimes life winds up before it winds down. I always seem to feel this way in the spring, just before summer holidays approach. This being May 1st, I turn to the new page that resides on our family web calendar as well as the synchronized paper one, on our refrigerator, and it is blatantly evident how full May already seems. I then remind myself that I have more than enough time to do all that I want or need to do today, because after all, it is only today that matters. Ahh… so easily stated. I love the wisdom of the wise.
My to-do list today looks much like other days with slight variations and like most to-do lists, does not have everything on it just the things that I want to make certain I attend to.
-       exercise
-       meditate
-       write
-       Centennial “Stuff”
-       email youth re: Friday’s meeting
-       marinate pork
-       pick up Jillian @ 5:30
-       make appointments for Jillian’s hair
-       call to confirm dinner invitation for Max’s friend
-       get mail ready to go to town
-       mow lawn
It does not matter if I get everything on my list done but it is important to me that I have a focal point from which to work from. For years, I would have put exercise, meditate and write at the bottom, or more often than not, omit them entirely. I have learned that these undertakings are of utmost importance to all else that I do. These acts combined, are the substance of my life that offer me release, peace and purpose for today is what matters most to me and is all that really exists. I have memories of past todays and thoughts about future todays but in reality, only now. “Just as the moon has no light of its own, but can only reflect the light of the sun, so are past and future only pale reflections of light, power and reality of the eternal present.” Eckhart Tolle 
~ Ellyn