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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Being at Sixes and Nines


I am at 6’s & 9’s today. At least that is what my mama would say, if she were here. I guess she is here, just in a different way. For those not familiar with the saying, it means being undecided. But undecided about what? I can’t quite be sure.
Sixes and Nines actually referred to long or short cigars, back in the wagon wheel days of our early pioneer life. For me, it captures exactly how I am feeling but really does not allow me to delve into what it is that I am so mixed up about. That is what my pen is for.
Today as I sit and write, my mama will have been gone from this earth for seven years now. Even though she left quickly, there was time enough to say good-bye, and for this I am grateful. She had just returned home from a wonderful trip to Ireland with a friend, where she had sat on the flight home for nine hours, with her skinny little legs crossed, reading a book. Upon arriving home, she had a sore leg - deep vein thrombosis had set in and she shot a clot to her brain, through her heart causing her to stroke. But it was the incidental finding of advanced liver cancer that took her life. I say took when in actuality, she gave her life on this earth up. She had many internal struggles and she knew that it was time to be at peace.
However, this is only one part of my mixed up being today – the other part sits in the Cross Cancer Institute in Edmonton in the form of my very good friend who begins chemotherapy treatment. She has actually won the battle to rid her body of the cancer cells that were invading. The treatment now is to ascertain that it will not return, and I am confident that it will not.
But….
How do you comfort and support a person who has always comforted and supported others? She is not used to having anyone do anything for her, let alone ask them. There are times that I know she feels as if I am treating her like an invalid but that is not my intent nor why I have done, and want to do more, for her. It is because, there was a time when she saved my soul… a time when I was unraveling.  
And so, I will go to the ends of this earth to do anything for her.
…Ellyn
Nola, Monica, Me and Kaye