Pages

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

On Clearing Chaos and Clutter...


Come and find the quiet centre in the crowded life we lead
Find the room for hope to enter, find a frame where we are freed…

As I sit here with my pen in hand, this familiar and favourite Hymn from Voices United reveals itself, again.  
I am not sure how long it has been that I have consciously worked on improving myself, but as I turned 50 this year, I would like to say that it has been for 50 years. It has not. I know that in my teenage and young adult years I was egotistical and thought that I was at the top of my game and that during my 40’s I found myself lost, floundering and unraveling for a time. What I do know, is that I learned to meditate when I was 18 years old and for this I am utmost grateful. It saved me during my University years when the stress to perform, lack of sleep and desire to be free, took its toll on me. For some reason, and for a time, I forgot how to meditate and when I fell into a dark hole following the death of my mama, I had to learn it again. Meditation is now a part of how I live daily.
I am writer and I typically write daily, several times daily. When life circumstances are such that I am not able to be in my sacred space, writing, a lump forms in my throat and waits for me to pick up my pen. Through the practise taught to me by a few teachers, I have learned to clear this lump. But it always returns unless I attend to it and write.
A year and half ago, the lump in my throat reached a frustratingly large size. After only experiencing the discipline once, and not feeling that it did anything for me, I decided to give Reiki another try. Odonata was suggested by a friend, and because the name appealed to me, I made an appointment. When the practitioner and healer, Krysty, asked me to describe the lump in my throat, I told her that it was like I had swallowed a grapefruit, that it seemed fleshy and ruby red, and that I too connected with it being about the size of a grapefruit. As she worked on me, I felt it soften and was moved to tears at the beauty and diligence with how she worked. Afterwards, she enlightened me with the knowledge that it was indeed red but that it was much more delicate and larger than I had described – more like a Red Throated Frigate. You know those birds where the male has a large red balloon-like throat? Krysty also said that I could heal it myself and that it wasn’t for her to do so. How did she know this I wondered, as she proceeded to tell me that during the treatment it was my hands that guided her and told her how to soothe me…
In order to continue to soothe, heal and clear this throat of mine, I write. But here it is a year and half later and my throat still fills. I have begun to look at other activities or practises besides my writing, that may clear this blockage and offer me clarity. Once again, as has happened over the course of this life of mine, Yoga calls me, but this time I roll my eyes. How am I supposed to find a Yoga class living here on this farm in rural Alberta? I have taken Yoga classes before and not once did I feel that any minute part of the class resounded within me. However, I have learned to honour what shows up in my life and so I started to pay attention and Voila! I receive an invitation to join an online book club that is to be lead by a woman who just happens to be a Yoga instructor. Hmmm…. I am not really interested in adding yet another thing to my life but because it is going to be Brené Brown’s book The Gift of Imperfection that will be read and discussed, I say yes and I fall in love with the book, the club, the members and the guide, Holly. Time goes on and Holly moves to a nearby city and then one grey and cool afternoon I get an invitation for a 3-evening package of Yoga classes. I’m now very nervous because I want so badly to go but I also do not want it to be like the other classes I have taken. With encouragement from Holly and a few others, I enroll.
Sunday night was my first evening class and although I did not want to travel the 30 minutes it would take to get to the venue, I did, and it was spectacular! I was welcomed with kindness and warmth and although the poses were challenging, I soon felt as if I belonged. The Sat Kriya was such a powerful position and pose for me that even though it was difficult, I was compelled to stay with it. This one class cleared me of many toxins, the spinal cord stretches, the Sat Kriya and the practise of chanting Sat Nam as well as the collective energy that emanated, that I arose in the night feeling nauseous. I knew better and before sleep, should have consumed copious amounts of water, but at that hour and with a soft smile on my face, I instead, breathed my way through the upset tummy, and for all of this I have utmost gratitude.

Clear the chaos and the clutter clear our eyes that we can see
All the things that really matter be at peace and simply be.

…Ellyn