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Wednesday, April 11, 2012

War


When my day begins to fill up and I feel as if it is getting the best of me, the one thing I seem ready to do away with, is my writing. And yet it is in, through and with writing that I gain peace, satisfaction and control of my day.
I have been writing since I have been able to write. In spite of this, I didn’t really learn how I write best until I went back to University to do my Masters. I had spent the bulk of my adult life with children, but I knew it was time to be done, when it was time to be done. Although I loved teaching, I left enthusiastically enrolled in University and sat down to research and write. When I had to hand in my first paper, I was a wreck! I paced around, cursing APA formatting, and wondered how I could possibly have thought that I could go back to school at age forty-six. That first paper was met with great appreciation and I settled into two years of writing. I loved it and discovered that I truly was/am a writer.
“Go to thy bosom… and ask your heart what it doth know”, William Shakespeare, beloved author and source of wisdom with whom I visit regularly, states this in Measure for Measure.  His words, spoken profoundly, roll around in me from time to time and offer me clarity of, and for my own being.
Upon completion of my Masters of Science in Education, I knew I needed to stay home and write. I am grateful that my husband, Brent, has supported me in order that I can do this. Nevertheless, that was three years ago and although I manage four web logs, and have been asked to guest blog on a few, I have made very few pennies from my writing. In January of 2012, I made a commitment to myself to honour my writing like it was and is a full time job. It is now April, and I have several unfinished works that have seen only a little bit of writing – I am at war with myself and knowing what I know about war, someone may lose and so I wonder, which part of me might it be?
As I sit here today, with the sun pouring in on me, avoiding the phone that has been ringing, avoiding the to-do list on the counter, and reminding myself that I chose the word Honour, as my focus word for 2012, I see, out of the corner of my eye, something white flit by the window and I am reminded of the white flag of surrender, recognized internationally as a protective sign to stop and renegotiate. Negotiating with self, hmmm… always an interesting excursion.
Now, after a thirty-minute run and brief meditation, I return to this piece to re-evaluate why I continue to do what I do, and am drawn to the writings of Daniel Pink. In a recent article that he posted, from the work of Karl Pillemer, whose work with senior citizens caused him to glean this:

1. Choose a career for the intrinsic rewards, not the financial ones.
2. Don’t give up on looking for a job that makes you happy.
3. Make the most of a bad job.
4. Emotional intelligence trumps every other kind.
5. Everyone needs autonomy.

I am truly grateful that, presently, I do not have to work for a wage, and will ceasefire on myself, sit down and write…

~ Ellyn