There but for the grace of God Go I - Again

When I am feeling that someone has “pushed my buttons”, I find a quiet space within my being to take time to figure out what is up with me that I need to examine these feelings that are emerging?

What is it that I need to learn?

It wasn’t always this way. I used to actually think that someone else had that kind of control over my feelings. That it was somehow her fault! I have learned that it doesn’t really matter what anyone else does or says, but how I handle it… how I behave… how I feel... that really matters.

The other day, once again, an acquaintance told me an outright lie. The first time I noticed that she had lied to me, I was absolutely shocked, and I pondered about it for far too long. And then it happened again… and again… and again…

What causes someone to lie?

Is every lie equal?

When I sit with my dad through surgery and he asks me if there is a lot of blood, which I know if I answer affirmatively is going to cause him even more stress, is calmly saying, “No.” an acceptable lie?

To cite the humorous words of Jerry Seinfeld, are there must-lie situations?

As a teacher working with young ones, if a child lied, I felt that it was important to call her or him on it so that a pattern would not be set. This can be done with absolute gentleness and support. In my experience, children lie to protect themselves or to protect someone else and the more that they “get away” with a lie, the more they seem to do it. And yet, if I knew a child would be treated harshly at home for an incident at school, I too have lied, by omission of details, to protect that little one.

But when it is an adult who is pulling me in for what appears to be no particular reason, what then?

As I write, I am only beginning to come to terms with this, knowing that it is not for me to judge the liar as I too have lied and may lie again, but to hold her with compassion in hopes that she realizes the burden that her lying is creating for her. In the interim it is also crucial for me and my well being to step away from this person.

…Ellyn

On Being a Snob - There But For the Grace of God Go I

     One morning a good friend gave me a virtual slap in the face. He didn't realize this until later, but it was a gift that I am grateful for. We were discussing advancing communications technology and our mutual love of gadgets and I was listing off all of the “stuff” that my teens possess. He began to wonder about those children who come from “have-not” environments and at what a disadvantage they might be at in ways surrounding belonging but also worldly knowledge and academically. His thinking immediately went into a “what can I do” mode. Mine did not. My thinking immediately judged particular families I have known, who do not provide the basic nutritional needs nor do they provide proper winter clothing for their children and yet with the resources that they do have, they buy them lots of electronic gadgets. 

   
     I live an abundant life and am grateful to be able to offer my children so much and in turn I know how grateful they are to have a safe and loving home that provides them, not only with their basic needs, but many wants. When one has the extra wants, it is easy to say that love, food, and shelter should always be the priority before any of the extras, but this is viewed through these privileged life eyes of mine.

  
     It is not for me to judge.

     There but for the Grace of God go I.

     Just as I am parenting to the best of my abilities, in this moment, with what I know right now, so are other parents. Just as my heart bursts with joy when my son opened up his electronic drum kit and my daughter her iPad, so do other parents’ hearts burst with joy to watch their children open up their treasures. 

   
     There is no hierarchy in this life that we live, no one person is better or worse than another and there are no excuses for being a snob and judging how someone chooses to parent. 

 
     Thanks Tim for the reminder as something could befall me and I too could be in a similar position.

  
     There but for the Grace of God go I.

     …Ellyn

Camp Teckla

This was my fourteen year old daughter’s 9^th year at her beloved basketball camp. Jillian fell in love with this wicked, and aggressive game years ago and it quickly became one of her passions. It seems odd to see my composed and sweet little fair haired, pale skinned girly out there digging and giving it all she has but it is through basketball that she gets to be that part of herself and she loves it.

The main coach of Camp Teckla is the talented Leighann Doan. Leighann’s basketball career spans many years, involving University play as well as an opportunity to play in the global spectrum. She is a strong leader and commands an amazing team of coaches that have taken my girly and others far into the world of basketball.  

The people who created this opportunity and continue to host it are an extremely loving, yet non-assuming couple, actually grandparents to many, named Dorothy and Stan Anderson and as I type their names a lump finds its way immediately towards my throat. Dorothy’s and Stan’s granddaughter Teckla, lost her life on this earth at age sixteen. She was a vibrant young girly with a desire to “play hard or go home”. That is how she lived her short life and because of this, Dorothy and Stan started the memorial basketball camp that just wrapped up its 15^th year. Teckla’s colourful spirit lives on and the cool thing is, is that Teckla’s basketball coach, Kim Poapst, who is very involved in school and teen sport, continues to manage this camp too.

Today is always a difficult day. It is the day that Jillian has to say goodbye to everyone, again. As we walked out of the gym on this final day she said, “If I grow up to be like anyone, I hope I grow up to be like Leighann.” I smiled warmly and was grateful that once again my girly has an amazing mentor that has touched and continues to touch her life.

Thank you Leighann, thank you Dorothy & Stan, thank you Kim and thank you Teckla for gifting us with your spirit…

...Ellyn

Leighann & Jillian

My Gift is… My Words

Grade ten went by in a flash for my son Max. It has been the best year, since Kindergarten, that it could possibly have been, and for this, I am grateful.

A friend, whose son I had the privilege of teaching in Kindergarten, once said that she hoped that her son would head off to senior science classes with as much verve and anticipation as he headed off to Kindergarten with. I too hoped this for my fella and I am thrilled to say that he did just that.

To Max’s Science teacher this year, I am grateful for the time spent with hands on experiments and for rekindling in Max the wonder and magic that science holds.

To his English teacher who noticed Max’s creative abilities, was openly appreciative that he paid close attention and followed the class expectations, and nominated him for a Leaders of Tomorrow Award, I am thankful.

To his Physical Education teacher/coach/mentor, who inspired him to be the best that he could be, given his gifts and talents and for pushing him to go further beyond the school and into a different community to honour one of those gifts, I am truly grateful.

To Max’s Social Studies teacher who noted that Max works hard for every mark he gets but has a passion for maps and geography and makes connections between the past and present with regard to politics and history and who also nominated Max for a Leaders of Tomorrow Award, I thank you!

To his Aunt, when in grade one when Max was sad, held his heart as she let him sit on her lap during recesses and then once again invested in him while teaching him in grade ten about all of her passions for photography and graphic design, I am thankful.

To his Math teacher who was aware that Max made/makes good decisions surrounding schoolwork and deadlines and saw that although Math is a great challenge for him, with his diligence, he can do much more, I am so very grateful.

To the Principal who strives to create a dynamic team and not only asks the students to be responsible for all of their actions, but respects them and genuinely likes the students, I offer out my thanks.

My sixteen year old has many positive guides in his life and will continue to flourish knowing that he belongs at Gus Wetter School.

Thank you and create a great summer!

…Ellyn....

Max at the High School Christmas Banquet

Play On...

“in Just spring when the world is mud-

luscious”… beloved poet e. e. cummings writes

“and eddieandbill come

running from marbles and

piracies and it's

spring”

I first heard this poem when I was in my early teens and I immediately fell in love with it. It may have been because it was an easy poem to memorize and recite or maybe it was because it seemed simple. As I approach fifty, Cummings words touch me in a very different way, often with sadness and a yearning for the freedom that my childhood held. Simplicity, would be the last word that I would use to describe this rich poem.

For children, play is work. I love to see how young ones delve into their play in order to make sense of the world around them. How they slip into absolute freedom and joy with their play and then fall into bed, peacefully with utmost satisfaction for a day well spent. Children dig in the dirt with intensity of purpose and walk away when they are finished not when the “job” is completed. When working with youngsters, it has always been important to me to allow them to exhaust themselves with a particular toy or activity before giving it up to someone else or giving it up for something else. I never liked the idea that a child should have a toy for a set time and then pass it on to the next. I have had some accuse me of not insisting on sharing when in actuality I did, and do agree with sharing but only if a child is finished with the particular toy that is desired by another.  When my son was five, we bought him his first stomper rocket. It was a surprise gift that I had put in the trailer and was going to bring it out when we were camping. That particular trip, and along with a group of friends, we arrived in the pouring rain and set up the trailer. A few of the kids went into our trailer to play games and when the rain lifted, three other fellas, who had found the rocket, asked if they could play with it. “Of course.” I said, assuming Max would be included. Max was considerably younger. Max never said a word to me all the while knowing that I always let him play until he was finished with something. Finally, after a few hours, he asked me if he could play with his new rocket too. It was the only time I remember interrupting and asking others to “share” the toy. 

Kids in the Sand...

 Today, my daughter Jillian, begins her summer vacation and Max begins his summer job. At age fourteen and sixteen, I want them to remember the importance of play and although I do not want to schedule it in, I want them to value its importance and I wonder how I will continue to do this.

As an adult I have, at times, forgotten how important it is to play. I have a tendency to delve into the work, that is no longer play, and get fussed by deadlines and agendas. Although I specifically run for my heart and take time for activities like golfing and skiing, I wonder about the kind of play that young children immerse themselves in like skipping and swinging.

As I type this, my sixteen year old Max is figuring out the helmet camera that I just won while fourteen year old Jillian puts together a new Lego® creation.

And so I ask you,

“when the world is puddle-wonderful

and bettyandisbel come dancing

from hop-scotch and jump-rope and

it’s

spring”

do you play?

e. e. schaffner

On Spelling...

In my experience, spelling has not seemed to be connected to any other part of language learning. When I have a look at my own children and their spelling knowledge and skills this also seems to be evident.

Jillian learned to read before she went to grade one. She taught herself and at age 14, reads voraciously. She is also an awful speller having to use many strategies in order to spell well and she seems to have no attachment to caring about this challenge of hers.

Max learned to read along with his primary school classmates and has followed a so-called “normal” pattern with the learning of new material. He only reads what he has to read and prefers to ponder and create more than take in. He is a terrific speller making connections between like words and transferring his knowledge of one word to many. Phonics makes sense to him, as do exceptions to spelling rules.

In the box called school, Jillian is a straight A student with very little effort and Max works hard for B’s.

What does this all mean?

Well first off, it is only fascinating to me, not important, as I know what their gifts and talents are and how to encourage those to be used for good in this world. As a teacher, I felt that this was my greatest responsibility after keeping them safe physically and emotionally.

However, part of my responsibility was also to teach academic skills. I am a writer and know that one becomes a better writer by writing and so I wanted my students to write and write and write – freely. This meant that spelling had to be thrown by the wayside in the initial stages of writing. However, in order to produce polished pieces, editing was necessary and with editing comes spelling correctness.

One of the strategies I used was to have handheld electronic dictionaries available throughout the classroom as well as a variety of hard copy paper dictionaries. But the greatest strategy that produced far-reaching and long lasting results came to me when I had a triple graded class of 6-8 year olds. It unfolds as follows:

When you, the student, are doing a spelling edit on a writing piece and you come to a word you are not sure of:

1.       Ask how many letters there are in the word and then put that many blanks on a piece of paper, white/chalk board etc. eg: The word “like” would look like this _ _ _ _

2.       Attempt to fill in blanks – must be quick and brief or I would give hints and sometimes fill in the blanks with an explanation. Say child writes, lick for like, I then would put a check mark above l and i and erase the c and k and see if he/she can fill those blanks in.

3.       If child cannot, I remind them that there are many words that end in this silent letter and we must get used to remembering this. Invariably they write ke for the ending of the word.

This entire process should not take long - just seconds. Other students can take these same seconds to help their classmates and I would suggest students that may be a resource for each other. For instance: I remember a child needing to spell the word dolphin and so I asked that child if they could think of someone in the class who loved dolphins and might be able to assist them. Sometimes I would ask a child if they remembered someone else needing that word a few days ago and then the child would remember and ask said child to help them.

When I accidentally fell into creating this strategy, it was out of need and a noticeable desire for all. For the first two days it was mayhem and after that it was so smooth that one hardly noticed the goings on and spelling became a secondary focus.

What I did notice is that the students were becoming good spellers maybe it was because they were beginning to see and make connections and because the words that they wanted to spell were from their personal thoughts and vocabulary. I am not certain.

What I do know is – it worked!

…Ellyn

(I hope that this is stated clearly enough.)

A Royal Touch

Early this morning, in the darkness of our little place on this earth, even before any birds summoned us, the alarm sounded. It was 2:45 a.m. Clad in our pyjamas with blankets and pillows my girly and I padded out to the living room to watch Kate marry William.

It was in 2005 when Jillian was 9 years old that she fell in love with the Royal Family. That was the year that our province became 100 years old and as part of the celebration, Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip visited the capital city of Edmonton. I had offered to take both of my children out of school for the day  so that they could see her on her Walk-About. However, because Max chose not to go, we invited Jillian’s best friend Jacey to join us instead. Jacey’s very English Great-Grandmother was thrilled and guided us on what to wear. Two weeks before the Walk-About, Jacey and Jillian had new dresses and shoes, hats and long white gloves. I booked a hotel room at the Westin for the night before and we anxiously awaited to catch a glimpse of our beloved Queen. Jillian had discovered that the Queen’s favourite flowers were daisies, which motivated us to purchase a bouquet for each girl to carry, on the occasion that they might actually be able to present her with them.

Following breakfast at this largely business class hotel, where the girlies received as much attention as a celebrity might, we walked over to Sir Winston Churchill Square to find a perfect spot to wait. I had purchased little folding stools for the girls to sit on while they waited. Folding stools that matched the colour of their dresses.

Not long after we arrived, a British speaking woman approached me and asked me if she could place the girls strategically and remarked that she would ensure the girls would indeed see Queen Elizabeth up close. I smiled warmly as these young girlies became little stars themselves that morning.

As the photo suggests, the morning unfolded in a most amazing way. Not only did Jillian and Jacey see Queen Elizabeth up close, they graciously presented her with the happy bouquets whereby Jillian breathily remembers the soft touch of Queen Elizabeth’s gloved hand on hers. When the Queen departed, I stepped back and allowed the girls to be interviewed by three television stations and one newspaper. It was all very magical allowing the girls to step into a little piece of history.

Jacey and Jillian centre, just as Queen Elizabeth moves on.

This brings us back to today, where it is became important to stay home from school and view another connected bit of history in the making – live.

The grace that Kate Middleton moved with, all the while obviously trying to be present and enjoy her wedding day was captivating. Her ivory dress with the lacey bodice as well as the lacey appliqué on the skirt, was perfect. Pippa’s stunning and simple gown along with her eloquent movement with all of the little people added to the personalization of the wedding. Prince Harry and his scamp-like behaviour taking a sneak peek and letting his brother know how beautiful she looked added to the authenticity of the moment.  The traditional Anglican ceremony complete with well known Hymns including the recessional, Crown Imperial by William Walton, which was also played at Charles and Diana’s wedding, tied the observance together beautifully as our dearly loved Queen in all of her radiance wore a sunshine yellow dress and hat, to match her warm personality that we have been privy to experience.

 ...Ellyn