On Work...

I welcome a challenge, a cerebral one that is, and love it when something comes across my desk that ignites a spark in me.

I am not intentionally looking to work for a wage outside of my home, but a few months ago, something presented itself to me that was connected to and yet quite different from the work that I have done for most of my life. I decided to apply for the position and was even more thrilled to get an interview. As the date approached, I became quite nervous, realizing that I hadn’t interviewed for anything for over 25 years and that every job that I had ever interviewed for, was offered to me. It was a tough interview and as I sat there answering questions, I came into a knowing that the job was probably not for me and as it turned out, I did not get it.

It is a courageous act to re-evaluate one’s work life and step into that place of vulnerability, envisioning something else, and I am proud of myself for doing so. Not to say that my ego wasn’t hurt, it indeed was. Ahh… but over the years, what I have discovered about egos is, they need to be knocked around a bit so that a person is humbled, develops more empathy and using the mind, follows the directions of the heart.

Marianne Williamson gracefully speaks about a perfect career being something that comes from deep within. I was fortunate to have stumbled upon my teaching career early in life and it was perfect, for a time. I loved what I did and never wanted to not love it completely. I knew that I was tiring and needed to make a change. Going back to University was the change that I needed, but that was 6 years ago. Presently, I feel fortunate to be a stay-at-home-mom, organizing our lives in order to savour each moment with my teens when they are at home. When they are not at home, I write, and I treat my writing life like it is a full-time job, asking that my words be a channel of love for those who read them. I will continue to align myself with the truth within me and if something presents itself, will step into that place of vulnerability once again.

~ Ellyn

I am a Writer...

I believe that a “perfect career is something that emerges from within you. When you are aligned with the truth within yourself, then you magnetize people and circumstances which align with that truth.” (Marianne Williamson)

I am a writer therefore, I write…

At times I hesitate to call myself this and yet, it truly is what I am. I sit with friends or at a meeting, driving by myself or observing strangers, and I am inspired to write about what I hear, see and feel around me, and what I think about.

The other day, and while at a meeting, I heard someone state something that was quite upsetting to her, and immediately it became a funny story expanding in my mind and I began to laugh. (I really need to keep that in check.)

I am grateful that my husband supports me in writing because it is not something I do for a wage, and at times is all consuming.

I grew up in a household that honoured reading, dreaming and other artistic activities. If I was sitting and writing, I would never have been asked to do a chore. In my family, creative pursuits were of the highest value, so it isn’t surprising that at 51 years of age, I desire to spend my time on these sorts of interests.

It takes great discipline on the part of the creator to stick with a project and continue on and it isn’t easy work. I write from my heart, which can be difficult. Sometimes it is a carefree joyful experience and at other times it is distressing and challenging.

About six years ago when I went back to University to complete my Masters degree, I discovered how I write best. I had spent my life writing on scraps of paper wherever I happened to be and transferred those to little journals and then began a process of editing and over-editing until I would just give up on a piece. Currently, I treat it like a full-time job, and as soon as my teens leave for school in the morning, clad in my housecoat, I sit down at my desktop to write, and I write freely, setting and resetting a timer so that I know how long I have been here. I only allow myself one editing day and one research day a week. I write for three morning blocks of time, and then I stop, exercise, meditate, shower, get dressed and sit down to write some more. I typically see lunch as an intrusion in my day, unless I am sitting in frustration or blankness. The minute my teens arrive home after school, I am jolted into another reality, seemingly without the ability to step back into my writing self. Their energy is so grand and fills all of the space in my life that I am unable to write while they are physically present.

And that’s okay.

Actually it is more than okay, because I have been gifted the entire school day to sit and work at this job that I love, with the intent that my writing genuinely unfold from my being in the way that all of our work is intended to do so.

I am writer, therefore I write…

~ Ellyn

To Love

“A heart to love, and in that heart, courage, to make love known.” ~ Shakespeare

Because of Valentine’s Day, I suppose, February seems like a month to focus on love. Although I try to live from love in each moment, during this month I make a conscious effort, demonstrating outwardly and working inwardly.

We learn at a young age how we are to behave on Valentine’s Day. There are those “years when my mother insisted that I give one of those cute animal-holding-a-heart cards to every child in my class so no one would feel left out. Where was the meaning, the honesty, in sending Tommy Robinson- the dark-haired, wild-eyed, pint-sized hooligan who regularly mowed me over on the playground- a card declaring I wanted to make him ‘My Valentine?’ First lesson: Coerced expressions of affection don’t mean much.” (Oriah Mountain Dreamer)

Inspired by Oriah’s words I too believe that even though we know that Valentine’s Day has been exploited by the commercial world that we live in, we can still use this day to centre ourselves on self-love, friend love, love of nature, romantic love, all love. I have deliberately worked at spending this entire month focused on love, by reminding myself to breathe deeply and easier and attend to my feelings until those feelings are love. Sometimes it is easy to do, like when I am working with young children. Sometimes it is more challenging, like when my daughter’s basketball coach yells. What I’ve learned is that I can only control how I behave and that if I am squeezed, I can choose what will come out of me. If something other than love spills out, I know that I need to work more inwardly, acknowledging and honouring my feelings that have emerged. However, in order to heal and come from a place of authenticity, I need to fully understand and know what surrounds those feelings as well as how to resolve them, so as to return to that love once again.

As many of you know, I meditate several times a day from short little 15-second meditations to longer more directed ones. After I run, which too is a form of meditation for me, I engage in a guided one. During this past month, I’ve been steered by Marianne Williamson’s, Prayer for the Beloved, placing my bond with Brent in God’s hands asking that I be a blessing on his body and soul, that he be a blessing on mine and that we be a blessing on the world.

Thank you…

~ Ellyn

On Health...

Healing is a matter of time, but it is 

sometimes also a matter of opportunity. 

~ Hippocrates

I learned to meditate when I was 18 years old and it saved my soul during my University years. For some reason I fell out of the practise during my 30’s but as my life unravelled in my early forties, I once again began to meditate. At age 51, I meditate at least four times a day and it has become such a natural way for me to live. Some of the meditations I do are simple and brief like the one I do in the shower every morning, while others are guided and specific. I meditate before I make an important decision and I meditate after I exercise, during my cool down. 

The month of January is always a time for me to reflect on my present health and set goals for the new year. Besides becoming Paleo creatures a few months ago and pulling out our juicer from storage, this year the big change I made surrounded meditation. After my daily run and strength training, I have been engaged in a specific health meditation with Marianne Williamson from her Meditations for a Miraculous Life. Her voice is soothing and comforting and I never tire of hearing her speak. I love this particular meditation and have noticed my body loves it too.

And so… as I offer out my thanks for the miracle of my body and send prayerful light to different areas of it, I too know that I am “literally boosting my immune system.”

I have had wonderfully rich discussions with many about the power of meditation and invite you to share your thoughts and/or practises with me here.

~ Ellyn