A Privileged Life...

I live a privileged life.

I have spent the majority of my life, in some sort of capacity, with children. Gratefully.

For me, yesterday was just another Saturday in just another gymnasium, spent enjoying young basketball players immersed in a passion for sport. As it has been over the years, I observed parents enjoying that their children have this opportunity for camaraderie mixed with competition. Some parents see their children as little selves and want desperately for those little beings to be the best and to entertain them, while others just let everything go and let their children experience. I am not saying that one way is right or wrong, but that it just is.

And then, like it is every so often, I get to notice grace. I was privileged to be on the outskirts of a dialogue between a father coach and a child player, whereby the father made certain that the child was playing her game for herself, and that it was just that. Her game, not his, and that she could take this game with her team anyway that she chose. He wanted to be sure in a very quick few seconds that she was not playing to please him. A lovely moment in time.

I live a privileged life.

~ Ellyn

Courage

It is only on the rarest of occasions that I lose sleep at night, the thoughts that infrequently waking me being those surrounding the well being of a child, even if that child is now 6’5” and 170 lbs.

Last night, a friend of mine told me that her well-educated, accomplished and highly employable son, quit his job. He absolutely could not stand going to his place of employment every day. Although his work filled a void for a time, offering him the opportunity to purchase assets and feel financially settled, he hasn’t enjoyed it for a long time.

Our accrued assets and financial freedom only lasts so long before one’s gut aches, or physical and emotional conditions associated with the deep unhappiness that one actually feels inside, begin to manifest. I do not think that the building up of assets is a bad thing, nor do I believe that we should undervalue our material life but we have to be careful not to overvalue it.

Last night I woke up because I was thinking about him and how I would like him to know how courageous I think he is. I feel in the same way that Jean Stapleton’s character, Birdie Conrad, from You’ve Got Mail espouses; that he is “daring to imagine something else” for him and although it may be frightening, it is also freeing. My thoughts envelop this brave young man knowing that even if he chooses to enter back into the profession that he has prepared for, he will go into it in a much more settled and healthy manner.

~ Ellyn

Beauty In Death

I’m so glad they knew her.

Although my kids lost their grandma when they were seven and eight years of age, they still knew her and because of this, she has played a role in their lives. Even though she only saw them a few times a year, she took time to really know who they were. She had three granddaughters and three grandsons and she never gave them generic fair dollared gifts, but a gift that matched each one’s interest. She couldn’t take her eyes off of them and when they talked to her, she listened whole heatedly and with genuine importance. She would be so proud of the teenagers that my babies became and would be excited to watch Max prepare to leave home for college.

When my mama was dying, my children had the opportunity to spend time with her and watching my little girly readily climb upon my mother’s bed to kiss her goodnight, was beautiful.

There is beauty in death if we take time to see it…

Over eight years ago, after a stroke and an incidental finding of inoperable cancer, my mama had a wish to die at home. Along with my dad, my siblings and some amazing earth angels called Palliative Care Nurses, we ensured that this could happen. My mom had been a beautiful dancer but the stroke had left her legs in such a state that she could not bear weight on them in order to walk independently and of course, would never dance again. Facing him and supported atop his feet, my dad would guide her to the bathroom, the living room and the bedroom. He called this “The Dance” and one evening with his grand singing voice, as he guided her to bed, he sang, “Could I have this dance for the rest of my life…” 

On beauty in death, Kahlil Gibram writes

Dry your tears, my friends, and raise your heads as the flowers
Raise their crowns to greet the dawn.
Look at the bride of Death standing like a column of light
Between my bed and the infinite;
Hold your breath and listen with me to the beckoning rustle of
Her white wings.

As I sat at the dining room table that evening and in the moment when my dad danced my mom to her bed, my brother’s eyes met mine and without any words spoken between us, I discovered beauty in death - for this I am truly grateful.

This isn’t a special anniversary of her death, or life but a day where my thoughts just raced around her and so I will dry my tears and simply remember the beauty of all things mom…

~ Ellyn

I Live What I Believe

Not long ago, someone asked me if the reason why I exercise and eat healthily is so that I will live longer. I smiled warmly and answered, “No.”

I live what I believe, and quite simply, what I believe is that we will leave this earth when our time here is done. That’s it. I would have loved to have had my mama here longer, to create more memories but her time here, was finished. I’m grateful that she was not taken suddenly and that I was gifted time with her while she died. Would she have lived longer if she didn’t eat margarine or if she ran marathons? I don’t believe so. When my time on this earth is over, it will simply be that my time on this earth is over.

  The following is why I run, research nutrition and eat the way that I do:

1.         I run because it makes me feel so good. It relieves stress. It helps me to breathe easier and helps me connect my body with the earth.

2.         I eat real food because real food makes me feel good. I don’t want to feel bloated, full or sluggish and I know that faux food makes me feel that way.

3.         I do not eat at night because it interrupts my sleep and I like to go to sleep and wake up in the morning when it is time to wake up.

4.         I meditate because meditation offers me a way to be a better person with myself and with others. It provides me with an opportunity to breathe deeply and slip away from my physical world.

I live what I believe because it feels good…

~ Ellyn

Step Into Your Joy

Step into your joy and all else will follow…

Last fall I posted this video on my Facebook® wall and thanks to Ben Grey, have had it cross my desktop again this morning. 

When my son Max entered grade 12, the words that kept coming out of many people’s mouths were, “What are you going to do next year?” With this simple query, even with a curious and honourable intent, he had begun to put even more pressure on himself. After a mere 17 years on this earth, he felt that he was supposed to know what he was going to do with the rest of his time.

Max has always played the role of athlete and because part of my job of mom is to help my kids see their talents and gifts and then use those for good in this world, I asked him if he wanted to study Phys. Ed. His response was never, “Ya, that’s what I want to do!” but instead it was, “I guess.” Knowing that he is a vibrant and demonstratively passionate person, I knew he needed some guidance.

For years now, I have been trying to teach Max to meditate but silly me, I was teaching him to meditate in the way that I do. After a one time visit to a gifted Intuitive, Michele at Soulite, Max came home settled with a deep understanding that it is okay that he isn’t sure of what he is supposed to do and that when what he is supposed to do emerges, he will feel it… know it! She also taught him to meditate the way that is best for him. With these learnings, before he sits to his drums or steps on the court, he takes a deep breath and asks that any challenge he is facing be thrown into his activity so that he might see clarity. This single event with Michele, has changed his life forever and for this, I am utmost grateful.

We live in a historically abundantly wealthy oil and gas area of rural Alberta where young fellows are wooed by the money that can be made. However, I also see many overweight, unhappy 40+-year-old men, with regrets, who now feel stuck where they are and those feelings manifest themselves in many ways.

And so…

Last fall as Max and I started travelling around to various open houses at Colleges and Universities, he began to know exactly what he wanted to do, right now at age 18.

As he prepares for auditions and creates monologues for different Theatre Arts Programs, he is light and happy and filled with excitement for his life after high school. He is no longer looking at where a friend might be going to University or which city to live in but with which program he wants to be immersed in. Will he spend his entire life on the stage or behind the scenes? Who knows, he’s only 18, and it just doesn’t matter. What does matter is that he is settled and has stepped into one of his joys.  Our joys show us our gifts and talents, strengthen our confidence, and allow us to be here for good in this world.

The "Max"k

~ Ellyn

9000 Reasons to Live

   I have this friend with whom I can talk to about absolutely anything… anything! The conversations we have, become, rich dialogues that cause one of us to research even more, dialogues to help one of us let go of strong emotions, questions propelling us into yet another discussion, chats about unique recipes or simply, advice.

   She and I create opportunities to be together to do just this and if time has passed and we are unable to, we send each other inspiring TED Talks, articles, thoughts or ideas and parley via email.

We have been fortunate to attend many conferences and lectures together, as well as sit quietly on the veranda for the occasional Happy Hour. Recently and while travelling to a medical appointment together, we were discussing the sadness that a mutual friend is experiencing, holding him gently in our hearts. Without judgment and with outmost verve, she announced that she is so lucky to have “9000 reasons to live!” I love when declarations burst out of her and I smiled warmly nodding my head. 
   Yes you do my friend, yes you do!

   Happy Birthday Kaye, I’ll see you soon…

   Love

   ~ Ellyn

Nola, Monica, Ellyn, Kaye