For Every Beginning There is An Ending…

This has been a challenging week for our family. Max packed up and moved into Residence. He has been an absolute joy to raise and I miss his presence in our home on a daily basis.

I am grateful that he has chosen to follow a passion and has stepped into the field of Theatre Arts. Through school, Max played the role of athlete and made an assumption that he would just take Phys Ed in University. Until, he realized that he was just settling for that discipline. I know that he is a talented and driven athlete and may choose something in the area of physical education later on in his life but for now, he steps on to the stage with joy.

In Alberta, the ever present lure of the oil and gas industry has enticed young men to make a large amount of money early on in life causing many of them to stick to these labour intensive jobs until they feel just that.

Stuck.

I’m not espousing that all feel this but I see some who have difficult personal relationships as well as regrets over their choices at 18… 20… 22… years of age. Will Max have regrets? Possibly, but the thing is, if you are a young man living in Alberta, there is always an opportunity to make a buck. What I hope first is that he will feel how wonderful it is to work at something you love, first.

And so, just as high school began, it is now over and a new beginning emerges…

All the best my amazing son!

~ Ellyn

Step Into Your Joy

Step into your joy and all else will follow…

Last fall I posted this video on my Facebook® wall and thanks to Ben Grey, have had it cross my desktop again this morning. 

When my son Max entered grade 12, the words that kept coming out of many people’s mouths were, “What are you going to do next year?” With this simple query, even with a curious and honourable intent, he had begun to put even more pressure on himself. After a mere 17 years on this earth, he felt that he was supposed to know what he was going to do with the rest of his time.

Max has always played the role of athlete and because part of my job of mom is to help my kids see their talents and gifts and then use those for good in this world, I asked him if he wanted to study Phys. Ed. His response was never, “Ya, that’s what I want to do!” but instead it was, “I guess.” Knowing that he is a vibrant and demonstratively passionate person, I knew he needed some guidance.

For years now, I have been trying to teach Max to meditate but silly me, I was teaching him to meditate in the way that I do. After a one time visit to a gifted Intuitive, Michele at Soulite, Max came home settled with a deep understanding that it is okay that he isn’t sure of what he is supposed to do and that when what he is supposed to do emerges, he will feel it… know it! She also taught him to meditate the way that is best for him. With these learnings, before he sits to his drums or steps on the court, he takes a deep breath and asks that any challenge he is facing be thrown into his activity so that he might see clarity. This single event with Michele, has changed his life forever and for this, I am utmost grateful.

We live in a historically abundantly wealthy oil and gas area of rural Alberta where young fellows are wooed by the money that can be made. However, I also see many overweight, unhappy 40+-year-old men, with regrets, who now feel stuck where they are and those feelings manifest themselves in many ways.

And so…

Last fall as Max and I started travelling around to various open houses at Colleges and Universities, he began to know exactly what he wanted to do, right now at age 18.

As he prepares for auditions and creates monologues for different Theatre Arts Programs, he is light and happy and filled with excitement for his life after high school. He is no longer looking at where a friend might be going to University or which city to live in but with which program he wants to be immersed in. Will he spend his entire life on the stage or behind the scenes? Who knows, he’s only 18, and it just doesn’t matter. What does matter is that he is settled and has stepped into one of his joys.  Our joys show us our gifts and talents, strengthen our confidence, and allow us to be here for good in this world.

The "Max"k

~ Ellyn

On Moving Slowly...

I’m at home today, moving slowly, thankfully.

When my children were in Junior High school, they were still trying on various musical and athletic pursuits and we seemed to be always going somewhere. It was then that I insisted that they only choose one team pursuit at a time, be it musical or sport. I knew that eventually team obligations would coincide and that they would end up letting one team down. I also began to notice sleep deprived children who seemed burned out at a young age, but also so many kids who were wrapped up in an outside-their-home type activity, that they no longer seemed to know how to just move slowly and create something from their inner passions.

This endeavour to move slowly has afforded us the opportunity to have much more time at home, eating our home food over packing some and eating from concessions some, but most importantly it has taught my children that being busy is overrated. It is okay to move slowly and choose carefully before saying yes to an activity.

Peace comes when I move slowly.

Gratefulness abounds when I move slowly.

Deep authentic listening emerges from moving slowly.

This doesn’t mean that we don’t have moments of busyness, but we all know that it will be focused on one undertaking and that when we are home, it will not be a time to just get ready for the next venture or commitment, it will be a time to move slowly and be at peace.

~ Ellyn

Living Alongside of My Children...

As parents we live for moments when we hear things come out of our babies’ mouths like, “I’m having the best day ever!” Especially when we are raising teenagers in this North American society with the pressures that seem to exist for teens. Yesterday was one such day when my girly saw a glimpse of what joy and satisfaction really feel like.

She is in love with the sport of basketball and although the team they met last night was not nearly as well matched with the skills for the game as our girls are, causing them to win with a final score of 54-24, my girly got 27 of those points. She is dedicated and devoted to playing hard and well and she is only in grade 10. It is an aggressive and fast game and there are times when I wish she didn’t love it so much because I struggle with liking it. But, she does and so be it.

She also just started a new semester with one of her classes being Math. She loves how math works and I marvel at, not only her understanding of mathematics, but of how well she is able to convey that to someone else. She has stepped into the mode of tutoring and feels a sense of satisfaction when another student responds with understanding and thankfulness for her help. This takes me back to a time when she was much younger and she walked in after school with a great sigh and announced that if the teacher would just let her work a little bit longer with Jimmy, he would get it! I doubt that Jillian will choose teaching for a career, but for now she has answered the call to be one. When we honour a call, we are gifted with a deep sense of satisfaction. Through Jillian's simple act, I get to be enraptured by this life that I live, alongside her…

~ Ellyn

A Finalé of Sorts...

Today my teens start a new semester. They’ve had a week and a few days off of school as they prepared for and wrote final exams and now they have a new slate of classes to look forward to. For Max, it is his final semester in high school. He’s one of those kids that loves school and until he was in grade nine, arrived home and when posed with my question, “How was school?” answered, “It was great!” This made my life with him so easy. He is an optimist and sees the good in each endeavour. When he was in grade nine, it stopped and I thought that it was just his age and that I had lost that enthusiastic little fella. Then in grade ten, it started again and has continued with only one day in grade twelve that I can recall, when he wasn’t thrilled about something in his school day.

Max was the kind of child who always cherished and made the most of his free time. We have 4-5 tree houses in the yard, a zipline, paintball course, basketball court and our trampoline doesn’t owe us a dime. He had to be coaxed in for dinner, from the snow hills at night even in -30 degree weather and he created and created and created… But he also did any job I asked him to do, diligently and readily without complaint, completed any schoolwork that was brought home without being asked and when he went to bed at night, slept soundly until morning. He learned early to take charge of his own life and I have just been here on the sidelines guiding and marvelling.

I’m not saying that Max hasn’t had his challenges, but he has been a bit of a dream child and as he enters the final semester of his high school career, I am feeling bittersweet emotions. I know that there are kidlets along side of him with struggles that I wish they didn’t have to face at this age, or any age for that matter, and I would love to tell them to remember recess and snack time, story time and helping a friend button his coat, and how simple these things are at asking us to just be. Inspired by Stuart McLean’s School Pledge, I hope that during these last few months of Max’s elementary and high school life, he and his classmates will make time to laugh, really laugh, and to play with a joyful and kind heart because HOW they play is how they will live their life, and I want Max and all children “to follow the path of peace and understanding and live softly on this good earth”.

~ Ellyn

More Peaceful Parenting

On a very early morning a couple of days ago and while I was in the dentist’s chair, I listened to the two professionals working on my mouth talk about a little girl, aged 3, who refused to take part in her dance lesson the previous day, and instead wanted to sit with her mom and cry. I was immediately transported back to my younger mommy days where I learned to commiserate with my 2-year-old son.

Max was a volatile 2-year-old and when he flipped, I flipped. I’m thankful that it didn’t last long because I am still frustrated with myself that I too flipped. He was speech delayed and we struggled to understand what he was trying to say to us. For a brief period, I used Time-Out but I discovered that it was only fixing the situation in the moment, not really addressing his volatile behaviour nor teaching him how to honour and deal with his emotions. I know that this method is used in love but even when Time-Out is used briefly with dialogue following, I feel that it is an undesirable form of punishment that fails to teach problem solving, invites submission and creates pleasers.

One evening my husband Brent, quite by chance, picked up our 2-year-old emoting fella and just held onto him, with love, whispering and kissing his head. Max struggled to go but Brent told him it was Time-In time and Max just relaxed and began to cry. From that point forward, we commiserated with Max, saying things like, “You must be so frustrated. Sit with me until we can figure out what you need.” Max became a puddle in our arms during these very few times that needed to occur and what seemed like instantaneously, we no longer had a volatile child but a little boy who wanted us to know what he was feeling, asking for our help.

At 17, Max is certainly in touch with his feelings, honouring them and emoting constructively and positively. Would he have been otherwise? Possibly, but this way of being with Max, that Brent created, was a change for the better that I am utmost grateful for and as a mom of a teen who will be leaving home soon, I know which encounters are important and which ones I can let go of.

What I wish I could have offered to the two professionals, talking about the little girly at dance, was that that little girl will not be 3 for long. I want them to cherish each moment and if she is not ready to dance with a group, hold her gently, wrap her up and let her dance at home.

~ Ellyn